All Pets Go To Heaven

This month something horrible happened to me. My best friend (& cat) Rocky was diagnosed with FIP; a viciously fatal feline disease that only infects about 1 in 5000 cats worldwide. Rocky fought hard for us through his last few months on earth, and despite his sickness, he was such a happy, wonderful little man. He never lived to see two, but I always said he had a wise old soul. Rocky brought joy into my heart & soul that will never leave me – he changed me as a person for the better & he still teaches me about life, even from heaven.

After Rocky passed away, we buried him under my favorite hibiscus tree; he would have loved the place we chose for him to finally rest. I pick a fresh flower to lay on his memorial stone every few days, and when they too die, the rabbits come and eat them. I think it’s just beautiful that he has become part of the worlds routine, even the wild animals, in his passing. I’m grateful that his place in our garden is visited and enjoyed by so many birds, lizards, & bunnies; what better way to honor the world he loved than by inviting them in.

Rocky healed me of so many sorrows in his shot lifetime. He comforted me in my darkest days, & he taught me how to love with my whole heart; a pure kind of love, untainted by this world. Without him, I was broken-hearted. I am broken-hearted. I think I always will be; but knowing him was so worth the pain of loosing him. But even as empty as I felt inside, it could not compare to how truly barren my house was without him. I spent three days collecting his things and packing them up together. I gathered the courage to throw his medications away; we put his climbers into the garage. Every trace of my baby boy was hidden because every time I looked at it, I expected him to be there – but he never would be again. It is still a thought I cannot bear.

I remember praying to God a few nights after Rocky passed; I needed to know that he was in heaven, and at peace. I had so much confusion about animals and their place in heaven, and I prayed so hard for a sign from the Lord. I asked for something very specific as confirmation, “Please Lord, send me a rainbow. Show me he is with you in heaven Father, please send me a rainbow…”. I prayed and watched, and prayed and watched, but still, no rainbow. Somewhat discouraged, but still faithful & full of hope, I went to bed & decided to just forget about it.

Later on in the week, my husband, mother-in-law and myself all found ourselves at the very place we stood when we first laid eyes on Rocky – pressed against the front glass window of the Humane Society in the mall. Six little sister kittens were all curled up sleeping. Our broken hearts needed love that only the frisky innocence of a kitten could offer. And in the joy and sadness of the moment, we ended up with two kittens rather than one! Two perfect little girls, so extremely different from each other, yet so perfectly matched to one another, and to us.

Later that evening, laying in bed with my husband and two purring babies, I got up to crack open the window shade just how Rocky used to love. I thought maybe the girls would like his window spot too. The sun was setting, and I was grateful for the peace of the moment. I looked down at the sleeping kitten nestled beside me, and at the kitten cuddled up to Carmine too. But then, something magical happened. When my eyes lifted to Carmine’s face, there was a bright little rainbow stretched across his cheek. In disbelief, I blinked; and when I opened my eyes, there was not one rainbow, but a thousand. Our entire bedroom was covered in little rainbow shards; the walls, the ceiling, us and the kittens – we were being bathed in Gods love and light. I have never seen anything so beautiful as long as I have lived. God sent me Rocky, and Rocky sent me two little girls to live out his legacy. Never have I felt such peace, love, understanding and truth – the setting sun had shone straight through the glass base of our bedside lamp, and projected a thousand dancing rainbows onto my soul. In that moment, I knew my prayers were being answered, and I knew that Rocky was in fact bounding through the green fields of heaven. God is so good. God hears prayer & He answers prayer – He remembers when we forget, and He heals when we hurt.

All pets go to heaven, and if you have a single ounce of doubt, I pray that God sends you rainbows too. I am moving forward in life not with sorrow, but with gratitude & peace. My heart can love again knowing that God has so much love, even for a cat, that He can fill a room with rainbows. What a blessing.

The Truth About Death

Death is inevitable; an inescapable fact of life. With death comes sadness, anger, loss…but nobody ever talks about the healing death causes. It seems almost taboo to talk about the beauty in rebuilding after great loss, and I think that is why so many people never recover from great grief.

Most people are comfortable embracing the hurt, and the pain, and the tears; but where are the people saying “this loss made me stronger,” and why do people scrunch up their face when you admit that this part of life has made you a better person.

Death is only a punishment for the living if we allow it to be! We can learn to let go of the suffering, or we can sentence ourselves to a lifetime of it. Before I continue I would like to make it clear that I would never judge someone for the way that they grieve. I would simply like to help people heal, and embrace change. No matter how hard that may be.

I have heard that there are stages of grief, and I have seen them play out before my very own eyes in the people around me. I have seen grief overtake lives, and I have seen it empower. I have seen self destruction masked as grief. I have felt the pain of helplessness when one allows grief to control their life.

In fact, I myself fell victim to the power of grief. It wasn’t a pain that hit me like a truck; it wasn’t just the constant feeling of sadness. It was anxiety and stress; it was many sleepless nights and misplaced guilt…but most of all anger. Nobody warned me about how angry death can make you. I mean truly enraged at the world, and everyone in it. Even angry at myself (without reason). Death will make you doubt the plain and simple truth. And when you’re done being angry, there will still be waves of emotion to come.

However when I took a step back, and began to talk about how I felt, I realized I wasn’t so angry after-all. Mostly, I was just hurt. And that hurt turned to healing the second I decided I was ready to heal. I began to realize that no amount of anger would resurrect the lost. But I could prevent that same loss from happening again if I chose to move forward. So that is what I did.

Now, that’s not to say I was immediately rid of all sorrows. I still cry for Bailie, and I always will. But I cry for different reasons now. I cry because I am relieved that I don’t carry the weight of her death on my shoulders. I cry because she is at peace, and she made the world safer for others who will have her very same illness. She taught us so many important lessons in her passing and I cry because her death will not be in vain; I won’t allow it to be. I cry tears of joy that her suffering is over. I smile that she turned divided coworkers into a family, and into a team; even if that transformation is still in the process.

Death does not have to divide us. Loss does not have to be only loss. We will always miss those who have passed on, but that does not mean they have left us. The truth is that death can teach us how to live again, and loss can teach us how to love. It can make friends of strangers, and pump blood through tired hearts. It can unite us. Death can heal us. Death can be beautiful.

The Liebster Award 2016

About The Liebster Award: The Liebster Award 2016 is an award that exists only on the internet, and is given to bloggers by other bloggers.

Rules:

1: Thank the blog who nominated you and link back to them (don’t forget to comment on this post so I can check out your answers).

2: Make a blog post outlining 11 facts about you,

3: Answer the 11 questions from the blog who nominated you.

4: Prepare 11 questions for those you will nominate.

5: Nominate 5-11 new bloggers (those who have less than 200 followers) by commenting in one of their blog posts.

---

 

Thank you to both Allison at School Essays and Jada at Jada’s Blog for nominating me and my blog for the Liebster Award. I was definitely not expecting it, and it means a great deal to me!

 

11 Facts About Me:

1. I LOVE Jesus! He is my Lord & Savior, and I have dedicated my life to him.
2. I got engaged when I was sixteen, and I am (soon to be) married at eighteen! I am so blessed to have found my soulmate this early in life ❤
3. I want tons of kids! I am madly in love and I can’t wait to have a family!
4. Animals are my joy, my calling and my passion! I am working towards becoming a service dog trainer, and I am so grateful to be employed at a doggy daycare now!
5. I have a cat named Rocky; he loves to walk on a leash and he sits on command for treats. Rocky also enjoys wearing cat-sized t-shirts.
6. New England will always be my home at heart! (Go Pats!)
7. Taxation is theft, and I want to abolish the government.
8. I homeschooled online for my last few years of high school.
9. Fall is my favorite time of the year, and not just because pumpkin is delicious.
10. I want to have my own dog rescue/shelter one day.
11. I want to live on a farm of rescue animals, all my own to love and care for!

 

My answers to Allison’s questions:

1. Were you looking forward to answering these questions? Yes!
2. Who is your role model? Jesus Christ ❤
3. How long have you had a blog? A few years.
4. Have you always had the idea of blogging in your mind? I have always been a writer but I have not always been a dedicated blogger 🙂 so I guess I would say no.
5. Do you listen to music very often? Every single day!
6. Do you view friendship as something to cherish? Absolutely.
7. Favorite quote? It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.
8. Favorite flower? Tiger Lilies
9. Favorite person in history? Jesus 🙂
10. Would you prefer writing something or making a craft? I love to do both but I would probably rather make a craft on any given day.
11. How long did it take you to answer these questions? Maybe a minute or two.

My answers to Jada’s questions:

1. What do you believe? I believe in the power of Jesus Christ, God and the Holy Spirit!
2. Why do you believe what you believe? Because Jesus personally saved me. He shows me his love and mercy every day.
3. What do you want in life? I want to make God, and my husband proud of me. I would love to be a mother almost more than anything; and I would also love to train service dogs.
4. What matters most to you? God, family, and animals.
5. What purpose do you find in life? God has a plan for me, and that is more than enough to keep me going.
6. What defines you? I am an extremely strong willed and opinionated person. I am loyal to the death of me, and I am not afraid to go against the crowd if it means doing the right thing. You could say I’m a rebel 😉
7. What are the three most important goals in your life? Serving God, Serving God, and Serving God
8. How do you view the world? The world is a sad, dark, broken, lost place that we must endure; however it is a place to learn, and grow. Darkness only offers the opportunity to bring light. We can bring light into a dark place here, so I see the world as an opportunity to do good.
9. What are three things you dislike? I dislike sin, which pretty much covers all three things.
10. What are three things you like? I like (love) God, my family, and animals – also freedom, but I know that’s four things!
11. How would you describe yourself? Hard working, adventurous and outgoing; maybe a little fun and ridiculous too. More than anything though, I’m an empath.

My Questions to the blogs I nominated:

1. What matters most to you?
2. What is your favorite animal?
3. What is the most powerful emotion?
4. What is your dream career/job?
5. Where, in your opinion, is the most beautiful place on earth?
6. If you could have any superpower what would it be?
7. What is your favorite song/band/genre at the moment?
8. What would your dream vacation look like?
9. If you could change any one thing about the world, what would it be?
10. What is your best/favorite recipe (for anything!)?
11. What is one cause you support and/or would like to bring more attention to?

My nominees are:

(If you have already been nominated by someone else and I was unaware then disregard!)

 

Odessa

Justice

Dawson

Jada

Jadian

Always Be Honest With Yourself

Rounding the corner to my 18th year of life has been quite the whirlwind of emotions. I have made it this far; but how far will I go? What is important to remember, and what would the future me be better off forgetting? Among all of the questions however, I have found an overwhelming amount of answers. Maybe too many for my own good, at times.

Most of the questions we have in our teens years, are, presumably answered by our own trial and error. Unfortunately, nobody is truly capable of warning us of the dangers we will set for ourselves ahead. Most likely, we will repeat our parents mistakes; we will say and do the same exact things that all young adults did before us (but good luck getting them to admit it). We will go on through life believing that we have all the answers already; until, one day, we realize we don’t. That will be the day that we turn back to those who were once like us; those who partied and made the wrong choices but will never admit it. And our parents and grandparents, and for some like me, great-grandparents will fill in those question marks with wise answers. They have lived our days already, and believe me, they had the same questions too.

As someone who spent their entire life running away, I find myself lost in the past quite often. For many years I wondered what it would be like to have a dad. I’d bask in the realm of imaginary childhood memories, and I’d piece together the person I could have been today. Most of all though, I would imagine asking my father the questions that accumulated throughout my life.

In the movies, I would see little girls. They were much too young to sit up front, but they were always comfortably seated in the passenger side nonetheless. The wind would toss their beautiful long hair as they glanced at their father endearingly. It was always at this point in the film that the solemn and cherishable fatherly advice would be graced upon the daughter. These car rides were always the best and worst part of the movie for me, because they were the moments I dreamed of all my life, but would never experience.

As each year passed, my family fell apart more and more. By the time I was fifteen I had lost my mom (she didn’t die, she is just gone from my life), and I was separated from my two younger brothers. I met my biological father, and shortly after beginning to build a relationship together, he left me again. I never felt enough love or trust for my biological father to ask him the questions only a Dad could answer…so I didn’t; and they built and built.

At fifteen, I fell in love. I mean, I really fell head-over-heels madly in love with a handsome gentleman named Carmine. After almost a year, we got engaged in the very same place that we met! What I didn’t realize when I fell in love was that I fell for every part of Carmine, including his family, whom always welcomed me with open arms and gave me all the love they possibly could. God had quite interesting plans for Carmine and myself, and shortly after getting engaged we moved across the country to Florida, to move in with his parents.

Carmine’s dad (whose name is also Carmine) has always been a ball buster. He is a trouble maker and an instigator; just like me. We clicked the minute we met, and we have always had a strong unspoken bond. After moving in with his dad, we only got even closer. I don’t drive so he would often drop me of at work, and I began to look forward to our sunrise drives more than anything else in the day. We would stop at the gas station, see our friend Bob, and be on our way with coffee in hand. I loved our morning routine, and so did Dad.

One day, as I was getting home from work, I walked in and yelled “Carmine, I brought you your favorite, a double fudge cookie!” and I’ll never forget the words that came out of his mouth at that moment. He sat up from the couch, turned around, and stared at me with a tough-yet-sweet look in his eyes. “Whats with all this ‘Carmine’ nonsense?!” he barked (as he quite often does). Confused, I responded “well, what am I supposed to call you…?”. “Dad” he said. And even though fireworks were going off on the inside, I just smiled, gave him his cookie and said “Okay, Pops. You got it.” and walked into my bedroom.

I had thrown around the use of “Pops” or “Dad” here and there but it was by no means a regular thing; it was more experimental than anything. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, and I didn’t want to make Carmine’s parents uncomfortable either. Yet, here I was, on a Tuesday night covered in cake flour from work, beaming with pride that this old man wanted me to call him Dad.

From then on, our morning rides were different. Almost magical. After all these years with unanswered questions, God gave me the father I always needed and I didn’t waste one second taking advantage of it. I must have asked him so many questions that he wanted to duct tape my mouth shut but he didn’t. He didn’t even ask why I inquired about his childhood dreams and plans, he just answered me.

Fast forward to last Thursday evening. It was muggy and hot, but the sky was absolutely breathtaking, so I cracked my window anyways. As the sun touched down on the earth and the wind tangled my hair, I found comfort knowing that this was my father-daughter-movie-moment. This was the day I waited my whole life for, and I was ready for it.

“Dad?” I spoke half confidently half nervously. “What is the one piece of information that you need to pass on (to me) in this life? What is the key to success?”
I looked over to the driver side and Pops was thinking. I mean, he was really thinking. I know when he is searching for just the right thing to say because he takes his time, and he puckers his mouth on his chewing tobacco like it helps him focus. He kept his eyes locked on the road even as I pressed him with my yearning stare, and he said to me “always be honest with yourself.”

I don’t think there is an emotion to describe this milestone in my life. It is a moment that my old man will likely forget, but I will cherish it forever. This, the day that I unlocked the secret to life, success, and happiness, will live forever in my heart and mind. Thank you for being my father, and loving me like your own Old Man. God was keeping you for me all of this time.

Having a Dad means knowing that one day, this person will live on through you. To be able to take this one answer from him, the most important thing he will ever pass on to me, was worth waiting more than a thousand years for. There is something about the safety of a father that makes you feel like they hold the answers to every question in the universe. And suddenly, once I asked this one, crucial question, the other ones didn’t matter so much anymore. I worry less, and I live more. Dad gave me freedom in this moment that will inhabit my soul until the end of time.